The job that Fibromyalgia was really doing for me...Feb 10, 2020
I remember it clearly, I had just attended a Tequila and Chocolate Yoga Rave night which a friend had taken me along to, promising me it would be fun. Though I doubted my fibromyalgia body would be able to keep up with the yoga, the promise of 1970s disco rave, tequila shots between asanas and chocolate tantra got me through the door.
The room was packed and freezing cold, we were in the basement of a Sikh temple on a bare concrete floor and my fibro-sore muscles were spasming every time I came into contact with the ice-cold floor. I was way out of my depth compared to the level of the other yogis in the room, but the teacher kept making eye contact with me and silently encouraging me forward at my own pace.
At some point during the three-hour workshop, something he said hit me hard. One of those moments in life when it is just the right time and the right place for the fire-of-change to be ignited.
He asked the room “Why are you giving your biggest problem the permission to stay in your life, what is it doing for you that is making you keep it so close”?
My biggest problem right then was the daily battle I was having with my body. Fibromyalgia had been a daily part of my life for well over a decade by then, but I was so ‘done’ with it.
I remember driving home after the workshop shouting and swearing at the top of my lungs ‘F*ck off Fibro’ I’m done with you’. ‘We are over’.
That evening, that single sentence changed so much for me. Changed everything for me. That was June 2016 and 18 months later I was totally clear of a collection of almost twenty chronic illnesses and conditions, for good.
One of the most pivotal energy shifts that I had with my Fibromyalgia healing journey, in particular, was in understanding what ‘job’ the Fibro was doing for me.
It took me back to the very start of the fibromyalgia, back in 2003. Back then I was working for a top FTSE100 and I was on the high-performance, high-potential management fast-track programme. The company had given me a huge double promotion, were paying me a very attractive salary for a 25-year-old and were funding my Masters Degree at a top UK university.
On the face of it, I had it all, I had a very ‘attractive’ future ahead of me.
However, it just wasn’t me. Ever since I was a small child I was a natural nurturer, always making lotions and potions and playing at ‘healing’ with my friends and dolls, giving ‘therapy’ to the upset kids in the playground. However, the adult messaging when I was growing up was that I should become a big-shot business-woman.
So here I was at 25-years-old, in a fantastic job with a clear career progression being mapped-out in front of me. The parent (and so many others) who I felt disapproval from whilst I was growing-up was suddenly bragging about me! Which just pushed me to dig into this job more and more.
This ‘glittering’ job was meeting key needs for me for the first time in my life. Needs like feeling significant, feeling loved and valued, and getting so much exterior approval to re-enforce all of this.
Except it just wasn’t me. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t fulfilled. I wasn’t morally aligned with the work. I felt so far removed from a sense of purpose and a real contribution to the World. And I didn’t have a clue how to get myself out of it.
My mind-body heard all of this and said ‘leave it with me’.
It started with an excruciating right shoulder pain, which then spread into my neck and down to my lower back. Then down my right leg. Sleep was impossible, the drugs didn’t work. I couldn’t drive, I couldn’t sit at a computer. I just wanted to rest.
It went on for months, spreading all around my body. I had tests at the hospital and started to get passed from department to department (something that continued for years before diagnosis). I began to realise I would need to leave my job after my husband took me away to recuperate in the sunshine. After day two on holiday, I felt almost back to normal (which was the first clue) but it all returned in force as soon as we got home. After a few months of struggling to continue with the job, I decided to take a voluntary redundancy package and leave to set up my own business working from home.
The symptoms alleviated almost straight away, but never fully went away. I was stuck in a pattern of flare-ups for the next decade, largely occurring in periods of stress. What I now know is that the fibromyalgia was trying to help me in these periods of stress or anxiety, or when things got tough, by shutting me down, sending me to bed.
My mind and body had learned something very powerful. That it could create pain and tiredness in my body to problem-solve for me. To move me away from situations I felt stuck in but didn’t know how to get out of.
After it worked that first time - it remembered the outcome and pulled it out of the bag for me anytime something cropped up that I didn’t really want to do but didn’t know how to say 'NO' to. As I was raised to be a people-pleaser, never saying 'no', this meant I had flare-ups for the majority of those 13 years, losing so much time with my children.
Of course, I wasn't aware of any of this. Because it was my subconscious mind that was doing this 'job' for me, the subconscious is exactly that, 'sub'-conscious. We can't figure all of this out with our conscious mind, it's just not apparent to us. We feel we have to hand ourselves over to the medical profession, who often can't figure it out either... That hidden subconscious mind runs almost the whole body and it is just trying to help us out, to move us away from difficulty. But sometimes it runs on old information, holding us back and keeping us stuck.
Of course, not being consciously aware of any of this at the time - I took the pain meds, cleared my schedules and went to bed most days.
As they say ‘hindsight is 20-20’.
Once I began to unravel what was really going on - it only took me 18 months to completely clear fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, insomnia and so much more from my system - and this understanding changed everything else for me too. Of course, it wasn't just the mindset work, but also physical support to the body as it healed too.
It made me see my whole life and others’ so differently once I learned that the subconscious mind is just trying to help us, to move us away from what is not meant for us.
It is trying to fulfil our spiritual needs of growth, purpose, alignment and contribution whilst battling with other conditioned 'tribal' needs such as ‘feeling significant and accepted’.
Understanding this was the pivotal change for me. I re-connected to my spiritual needs and my long left-behind natural-born sense of purpose to be a nurturer and healer, I trained as a Master Energy Healer and soon after found Marisa Peer and her Rapid Transformational Therapy which was the next-level game-changer. RTT was the missing piece of the jigsaw tool for me - which essentially compacted that 18-month healing journey down into weeks, months…giving me the best tool-kit to take everything I had learned so I could help others.
So, do you have a chronic illness in your body today, if so what job do you think it could be doing for you? When did it start? Start to notice - when does it flare?
It's not just illness that this applies to, because understanding the 'Why' behind anything that blocks you, behind anything that holds you back in life - is your first key to releasing it. In RTT hypnosis, we dialogue directly with your subconscious mind - to go right back to the root and cause of any block in your life. Health, work, relationships, habits...
We find out exactly what 'job' the blocks are trying to do for us, so then we can eliminate them for good.
If any of this resonates for you please get in touch, I can help you to get back on track. Back to a place of growth, purpose, alignment and contribution so you can shine brightly in this world, and not hold yourself back any longer. My unique first-hand experience of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue can help you find the root of these 'energy illnesses' for you, so you are then able to start shifting that energy and support your body to a place of healing.
p.s if you would like to start working with on eliminating health blocks - the Deep Roots Program is the one for you.