Five questions for the turning of the year

 It’s been a few years since I last made a New Year’s 'resolution'.

Many years ago, I used to feel as though this moment marked a point where I could look at what I was dissatisfied with in myself and declare that I would change it. Now, I use the end of the year very differently. I use it to sit quietly with what is coming to a close, and what new part of me is beginning to emerge.

That sitting often involves listening for what has been murmuring all year long.

I invite you to see this moment not as waiting for motivation to arrive so that you can fix something imperfect, but as sinking inward to seek out a part of you that is looking for permission to express itself differently.

Resolutions aren’t ideal because they tend to recruit the surface mind to do work that actually belongs to the deeper one. What usually follows is a brief surge of willpower at the start of the year, followed by a familiar sense of self reproach, which only locks old patterns in more deeply.

Questions work differently. Questions invite the subconscious forward, rather than surface action trying to override it.

Here are five questions I invite you to ponder as the year turns.

Question one: what have I quietly decided is just how I am?

This may not be something you would ever say out loud. It might be something you only glimpse occasionally, or are just beginning to notice has taken up residence within you.

I’m thinking of a woman I worked with who came to me convinced she was fundamentally unmotivated. She spoke about herself and her life with resignation, believing this was a fixed trait rather than a learned one. Through our work together, what emerged were younger memories of her most vibrant, energised, motivated self meeting criticism and discomfort when she moved too fast, too loudly, or too enthusiastically. Her childhood exuberance had been shut down, and she subconsciously learned to slow herself in order to feel safer.

When she saw that this was an old discomfort that truly belonged to others rather than to her, something shifted. The label of unmotivated loosened almost immediately. She no longer needed to manufacture motivation at the surface level, because her natural, exuberant drive began to return on its own.

Question two: what feels heavy because I’ve been trying to fix it rather than listen to it?

So often people seek coaching wanting tools, strategies, or structure, believing there is a behaviour that needs to be repaired or contained. Yet again and again, as a subconscious coach, I see the opposite. I see grief that was never felt because life had to keep going. I see anger that learned it was wrong or unwelcome and was pushed down. I see fatigue that was normalised and medicalised until it became identity.

When these experiences are met with compassionate attention rather than forced correction, understanding leads to movement that naturally follows.

Question three: where am I pushing for change while another part of me is quietly trying to keep me safe?
This question alone explains so much of what we tend to call self sabotage or upper limiting. I think of a client who desperately wanted to leave a whole career path she hated and instead move toward what felt like her heart’s desire, yet froze every time an opportunity appeared. Beneath that paralysis was a younger part that associated financial uncertainty with emotional abandonment, and associated a high status, socially recognised career with safety - and maintaining connection to her family.

Once this link was acknowledged, and once she reconnected her life choices to an empowered sense of Self, the resistance softened and choice returned. Staying where she was acceptable to others had once felt like survival. When that was understood, new empowered options re-entered the picture.

Question four: what would self growth look like by the end of this year?
I'm not talking about achievement or improvement. I invite you instead to look at one place in your life where you are squeezing yourself, where you are leaving yourself behind. For many clients this looks like a boundary that now gets to be spoken clearly and without apology. For others it looks like allowing rest and enjoyment without feeling like it needs to be earned first.

These are small movements beneath the surface, but they quietly reorganise a life into a new trajectory.

Question five: if my subconscious wasn’t against me, what might it actually be trying to help me with?
Many people believe their blocks are sabotage, yet when we look more closely we often see loyalty.

Loyalty to safety, to belonging. Loyalty to an earlier version of the self that once needed things to stay exactly as they were.

The beauty of subconscious work is that we get to ease the worries of these earlier versions of ourselves, so that gentle change can feel safe, wanted, and possible in the present moment.

Take some time today to ponder these five questions for yourself.

For 2026 I have some big intentions for my own growth in my work, alongside my one-to-one work, I will be launching a self-led, DIY course using my deepest and widest strategies for those who now understand, or are started to realise that the real work isn’t about trying harder, but about understanding what has been shaping their choices and behaviours beneath the surface all along.

You can join the waitlist via the link below to be the first to hear about it when it opens.

In the meantime, I am still working one-to-one and you are very welcome to book a gentle, no-pressure chat to explore what feels right.

As a friend said to me recently, whether you believe in New Year’s resolutions or not, there is a global wave of intention for positive change that takes place in the next few hours, and we might as well surf it as it passes.

My invitation is simply to go inward with this wave and ask the deeper questions, rather than looking for more things to do on the surface.

Happy New Year

Kate x